This is an ugly message but it needs to be said. My hope and intent is that it’s Biblical and timely. If it’s inapplicable, praise God! If it’s unpleasant, that is unavoidable. It is certainly not my intention to be harsh, or (God forbid!) to justify the behavior or attitude of any husband who is unwilling to love, lead or provide for his wife and family. I’m not fixing blame, just identifying sin.
Jezebel was an evil, manipulative woman. She appears in the books of Kings in the Old Testament, and in the church in Thyatira in the new. She’s known primarily for sexual immorality but I believe she manifests herself in other ways, primarily rebelliousness (which is as the sin of witchcraft) and an arrogant, independent, or unsubmissive spirit. She may show many of the virtues of the Proverbs 31 woman in that she rises up early and works diligently. But she has a real problem with Ephesians chapter 5.
I mention this because it appears to me that the eschatological community is the “happy hunting ground” for this spirit. Many of us are in what would be called “unequal yokes.” We long for the return of the Lord and watch for the signs, as He commanded. But one may have a spouse who is completely unconcerned: indifferent at best and hostile at worst. We’ve all seen it. What I have also seen is highly-motivated women who think that because their husbands are not as “spiritual” as they are, that they need no longer submit to him.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” — Ephesians 5:22-24
(I want to make one thing clear before I proceed – this is NOT to be construed as a requirement for a wife to submit to an abusive husband. NO woman – Christian or otherwise – is required or even advised to submit to physical, verbal, sexual or emotional abuse. If the husband is abusive, the wife should LEAVE HIM.)
Except in cases of abuse, this command does not have exceptions or an escape clause. If a woman will not submit to her husband who she can see, how can she submit to the Lord, Who she cannot see? And especially when He has given her a direct command to submit? “If you love Me, keep My commandments.”
“Everything” means all the venues of married life. To refuse to submit is to adulterate the relationship. The obvious example is sexual infidelity. Here are a couple more:
- The couple could live on the husband’s provision, but the wife wants a bigger house, newer car, vacations, etc. Her dissatisfaction adulterates her marriage in the arena of provision.
- The wife has spiritual questions or concerns. Instead of following her husband’s spiritual leadership (and encouraging him to grow as a spiritual leader), she goes to a church pastor or minister or a friend. If the children have spiritual questions, she refers them to “the minister.” This adulterates her spiritual relationship with her husband and is also an assault on the family altar.
“Submit” has become an ugly word, and now has Islamic overtones. So let’s just say “respect” and you’ll get the basic idea. I’ve seen women, and maybe you have also, who are working outside the home. As “career women,” many have substantial incomes and get tremendous respect from their co-workers. And this can turn into contempt for their husbands. Some make more money than their husbands, and in this Babylonian world, this turns to arrogance. Some are more religious than their husbands, so they replace their husband’s spiritual headship by making their pastor or minister into their spiritual head. This is immorality!
In an extreme case, there was a woman who felt she was getting direct communications from God. She may have been getting indirect communications from Him through her husband (God respects the chain of command), but she didn’t think he was “spiritual” enough so she would not listen. I believe a seducing spirit may have gained entry at that point, and her dreams, visions and communications that she thought were from God were actually from the dark side. God did have a message for her: Ephesians 5:22. But she was too “spiritual” to listen. Now, as a result, her marriage is in shambles, her testimony is about destroyed, and her legal problems are just beginning.
THIS IS THE JEZEBEL SPIRIT! (Pardon my all-caps – I’m not yelling, just emphasizing). Bad stuff happens to Jezebel and to all who follow her example (Rev. 2:22). Wives: respect your husbands, even if they are unsaved or spiritually indifferent. Love is patient and kind; it is never arrogant or rude. You “spiritual” women: how spiritual are you when the going gets tough? Do you tally your husband’s shortcomings to “justify” your rebelliousness? Are you helping your husband to become the man he needs to be? Or have you abandoned him because it’s easier and more satisfying to invest your life in your career instead of your marriage? Remember Lot’s wife? Whose “suitable help” (Genesis 2:18) are you, anyway?
Self-test for working women: If you treated the people you work with like you treat your husband, would you get promoted? or fired?
Consider Esther – Ahasuerus was a tyrant. Need I say more??
One additional thought: If Ahab would have loved his wife Jezebel even as Christ loves the church, it would not have made any difference. There is no cause/effect relationship between these two mandates in Eph 5. No Jezebel-spirited woman will ever be able to say, “I was unsubmissive because my husband didn’t love me” (or “didn’t love me enough”).
NOTE: The nucleus of this item was originally posted on the Five Doves web site on December 14, 2012. Following is a confirmation from one reader:
WOW…..
Steve…thank you so much for this article. The Lord Jesus Christ used you to speak to ME directly. I am a Christian, saved by the Grace of God. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, but your words really cut directly to my heart, soul and spirit.
I believe my husband is saved, and we use to worship together when we first got married. We both have drifted away from attending church, but I do still study the Word and worship via Christian programs on radio, television, internet, etc. My husband is retired and I still work full-time outside the home. I am what is call a “Career” woman and make more money than my husband (although everything is OUR money). I have been feeling resentful of him because we are struggling financially and I tend to blame him for not “providing” for our family. I find myself saying hurtful things to him and have felt spiritually “superior” to him. I know I am not as God is not a respecter of persons, but I am guilty of this nonetheless. I have been very rebellious and they way I speak to him is not how I should as a wife.
I have used the excuse that he is not acting like the Christian “Leader” of our home, as a license for me to not give him the respect he is due as the “Head of the Household”. When the Holy Spirit has convicted me (on several occasions), I did apologize and ask his forgiveness and told him I would try to treat him as I should. I really mean it and believe I have been better, but there are so many issues we both are dealing with. I found out he watches pornography, and I have been tempted to flirt with someone at work. We are not connecting sexually. I feel cheated on, but also feel guilty for being tempted to stray (I have not physically, but in my heart, I guess I have).
There is just so much more, I can’t put it all into words, but when I saw your letter on Five Doves, I KNEW it was speaking to me. I do believe time is running out and the Lord will soon return. I am going to pray again to the Lord to forgive me and help cleanse and give me a renewed spirit. I do not want to be ashamed when He comes for His Bride.
Please pray for me too. I just HAD to write and thank the Lord for using you to speak this WORD to me.
God gave men helpers because men need help. Some of us need a LOT of help. I am truly frightened for some Christian women who are going to get some terrifying surprises when Jesus returns and holds them accountable for the shabby way they treat their husbands.
NOTE: Three more comments from Five Doves:
Deborah W – Steve C. Re: Jezebel
Heather B – To Steve’s Post Re: Jezebel Spirit
Abigail – To Steve Coerper re “Jezebel Spirit” and my response